Space Junk

 The constellation of Orion as depicted in Johann Bayer's star atlas "Uranomatria" (1603)

Thank god R.E.M. is splitting up. Yesterday I had to get up insanely early to catch my flight from Pisa to Maastricht, after a 5-day mythical retreat in Florence. However, I do not undertake these trips for my leisure and enjoyment, faithful disciples. Oh no. The penetrating stink of your incompetence is reaching so far as to actually burn my fair nostrils, so I went to do penance for the untenable ignorance running rampant in the world at the Church of San Marco (where our boy Pico della Mirandola* is buried, natch). Anyway, as I was walking towards the plane under the solemn dark blue sky, kicking away truculent gnomes hellbent on selling their subterranean smack to poor, unsuspecting tourists, I noticed the constellation of Orion.

Now as you may know, almost everything in the heavens (aside from the space junk soon to rain down on your unwitting heads) has been named after mythical figures. In Greek myth Orion was a renowned hunter and according to some, a giant. Stories on his birth and death vary, as is usual in mythology, and by now you should now why that is. "Because it is not the continuity but the symbolism that counts?" Yes, that is correct anonymous internet fiend! So according to Hesiod (or actually according to some guy saying that Hesiod said it) Orion was the son of Euryale (the daughter of Minos) and Poseidon, the god of the sea, from whom he received the power to walk on water.** When Orion was drunk, he managed to offend someone, and in those days apparently you were blinded for such an insult. So he was blind. Then he was healed. By Helios. The sun god. Was it necessary to tell that? Beats me.

Anyhow, eyesight back, Orion goes to Krete to hunt with the goddess Artemis and her mother Leto, and threatens to get a little carried away because he actually wants to kill every animal on earth. In those days people didn't like that kind of stuff and they would kill you for it. So Gaia (the Earth) sent a giant scorpion which stung and killed him. Artemis and Leto thereafter pledged with Zeus to have him immortalized in the heavens, and Zeus, who wasn't quite immune to (fe)male charm anyway, relented and turned Orion and the scorpion into constellations, each one setting as the other rises. In the Illiad, Homer mentions that Orion is furthermore accompanied by his loyal dog Seirios, which we know as the star Sirius.

There's also all kinds of theories about Orion and Giza's pyramids, and about myths being storied versions of celestial phenomena, but I will try to get into that next time.

Man, I also keep on forgetting to talk about that kid they found in Germany roaming the forests, who is supposed to have lived in the wild for years (chomp on that, Christopher McCandless). Made me think about this killer Rainbow track:

Ritchie Blackmore used to be one of my idols. Just like I am yours now. 

Thanks for visiting. Come back soon.

*Who he? Foul, uncouth barbarian! Go look at all the posts I did on this marvel of philosophy on the double! If you're new to the site: welcome.

**I'm not quite sure if that's also where Jesus picked up this trick, but maybe we'll try to get into that another time, god willing. Bwahaha.