Rise Up!

The Ascension (1801) by Benjamin West

After that jaw-dropping piece of digital scripture from last time, I can imagine that your sapless and docile minds are still reeling from the unimaginable power and awe-inspiring divinity contained in those meager 823 words. Now just stop for a moment to think what would happen if I would write a book. Mountains would crumble, the blue-bellied Leviathan would spew forth smoke from his nostrils as from a boiling pot over a fire of reeds, elegant, fair and pale-faced maidens would fling themselves willfully from the roofs of supermarkets, and all over the world every seventh-born child would display the Eye of Horus for but a fleeting moment on the underside of their chin, making their parents incontinent with joy and happiness. Splendid rays of sunshine would penetrate and dissolve the hungry, black grounds of ignorance swagging on the deep, and free forlorn humanity from the heavy chains of materialism and illiteracy, thereby ringing in the new Golden Age of the Satya kalpa, during which no iniquity or vice would exist, and when infallible man will run wild with the Gods in the perpetual dusk of Paradise, savoring the cool evening breeze blowing from the West and feverishly lapping up the blessed water from the four rivers slithering placidly through the eternal Garden. Yet I do not do this. Why? Do YOU hunt the prey for the lioness and satisfy the hunger of the lions when they crouch in their dens, or lie in wait in a thicket? I thought not.

Anyway, did any of you actually stop to consider that the day before yesterday was a pretty important liturgical day? If so, then you are miles ahead of the unwary cattle who packed their fishing equipment, mountain shoes and brand new swimwear, stuffed it all in their freshly leased Volkswagens and threw themselves headfirst in the endless miles of holiday traffic during the sweltering midday heat of one of the hottest springs in over a century, like a pack of famished hyenas descending on the decaying carcass of a tasty gazelle. Yes my obsequious students, last Thursday, June the 2^nd was Ascension Day, and rejoice as Jesus finally raised himself to the abodes of Heaven. I always thought it was a bit weird that he hung around for 40 days after his resurrection, kind of like Hannibal limping around the Italian countryside for 13 years after crushingly defeating the Romans three times, but failing to take Rome itself (talk about awkward moments!), but  there you go. The Ascension of Jesus has been celebrated since as far back as the fourth century CE (Common Era; c’mon you didn’t really think Jesus was born on the year 0, did you!?), since Saint Augustine (354-430) raves about it. Incidentally, Augustine also used to beg the Lord to grant him chastity, but not too fast though, since he still had a ready and willing concubine waiting for him in the recesses of whatever desert tent he was pitching in at the time. But seeing as how he has the prefix “Saint” in front of his name now, I guess that’s all water under the bridge.

Now where did the ascension of the Messiah (from the Hebrew Mashiah, meaning “anointed one”, like Christ, deriving from the Greek Khristos, which also means “anointed one*) exactly take place, so that we can go there in the future on some sort of jolly excursion while beating the drums and chastising our sinner’s flesh with huge Chinese chain whips. Tradition has it that this solemn occasion transpired on Mount Olivet in eastern Jerusalem, where there is now a nice little Chapel of the Ascension with a genuine Ascension rock bearing the imprint of Jesus’ right foot, presumably as he braced his human/divine hybrid corpus to catapult himself into the radiant upper regions of lofty Godhood. So Jesus’ ascension symbolizes the divinization of man, as the pearly gates of heaven open up in abundant joy and frenzied glee to welcome back this exemplary phenomenon of human nature, just as you are no doubt experiencing right now while your blood-shot retinas gently glide over the heavenly dancing pixels making up your screen.

And just for the record: the Chapel of the Ascension is accessible only after a long and trying journey and a nominal entrance fee, while my blog is still free and available wherever digital connections are to be found!

Aren’t you glad you read my website today?

*Do you also want to know what Jesus means? Here we go: Jesus comes from the Latin Iesus which comes from the Greek Iesous which comes from the Hebrew Yehoshua which means “Yahweh saves” or “rescues” or “delivers”. Take your pick. You’re welcome.